


Dean prayed

by seasidemeow



Series: Heaven's gates are shut / The Last Angel on Earth [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Bad Parent John Winchester, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Blow Jobs, Castiel Returns (Supernatural), Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Time Having Sex, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hand Jobs, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Smut, alternative ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-14 20:34:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29177262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seasidemeow/pseuds/seasidemeow
Summary: After Castiel died and Team Free Will 2.0 won against Chuck, the Winchesters are now drifting from town to town, searching for new hunts. Dean Winchester is tired and broken. No one will ever answer his prayers anymore. Or are they?
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Series: Heaven's gates are shut / The Last Angel on Earth [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2142027
Comments: 6
Kudos: 87





	Dean prayed

**Author's Note:**

> So we all now Bobby told Dean "Cas helped" when he welcomed him in Heaven. So Cas is alive. This fic explores what would have happened if Dean had prayed to Cas before the Compton hunt. This will become the first part of a larger work I am thinking about.  
> Playlist:  
> 1\. All I wanted - Paramore  
> 2\. I wanna be yours - Artic Monkeys  
> 3\. Since I've been loving you - Led Zepp  
> 4\. Through the grapevine - CCR  
> 5\. Honeybee - The head and the heart

Wednesday was slow. Dean listened to Sam talk about picking up a vamp hunt in Compton, one of dad’s failed hunts. Masked vampires sounded stupid. Why would they cover their mouths? They killed with their teeth. 

“I decide to be fine ‘till the end of the week” Dean whispered to himself as he sipped coffee. He faked a smile while Sammy kept rambling about the hunt, reading from the journal. Sam was all he had left. There was a time when that would have been enough but now? After everything that transpired in the last years, after what he heard in that room, that night…he found himself longing. He found himself incomplete. Sammy wasn’t enough this time.

The day went past slow. But ever since that day Wednesdays always lasted excruciatingly long.  
Finally, lunch arrived and Dean was gleaming the menu. “I decide to be fine ‘till the end of the week” he repeated the mantra he learned from Frank Devereaux all those years before. He faked a smile towards the waitress. He ate out of habit. He ate because that was what he should do. It was called a being professional. That was the word, wasn’t it?

The last hours went by slower still. They returned to the hotel where Sam started to research again and Dean just switched channels on the TV. He vaguely heard Sam moan about his lack of involvement in research. At some point, he heard Sammy wishing him goodnight and snuggling in the blankets of his bed.

Dean got up, went to the bathroom, brushed his teeth, changed in his pajamas, and went under the covers as well. He hated the pressing silence of the night. Especially on Wednesdays. He closed his eyes and tried to go to sleep listening to Sam’s regular breaths. 

Soon, Dean found himself staring at the ceiling of the crappy motel, unable to sleep. Tonight was worse than the last few nights. He kept fidgeting in the covers, sleep evading him entirely. He glanced at the clock on the bedside. It read 1 am. It was Thursday. Dammed Thursdays. _“Because the one thing I want ...it's something I know I can't have”_. Dean closed his eyes shut and whispered to himself “I decide to be fine ‘till the end of the week” and temptingly tried to fake a small smile. _“I cared about the whole world because of you”_. On his closed eyelids he saw Cas’ face, his smile, the tears in his eyes. He could hear the pounding on the door. He could see the bloody sigil. Cas’ bloody hand. He opened his eyes again staring intently at the ceiling. He glanced to his left and saw Sam asleep. _“I love you”_ kept ringing in his head. Dean got up, annoyed. He was not fine, no matter how hard he willed it, and lying in bed wouldn’t help it.  


Dean went to the bathroom and mechanically started brushing his teeth. He’d already done that but he just wanted to do something with his hands. He needed to keep busy. He studied the face in the mirror. _“You see yourself the same way our enemies see you”_. Was Cas right? Was he worth it? Even if he was worth it, did it matter now that Castiel was dead? 

Dean rinsed his mouth and started going towards the bed but he stopped halfway there. He spotted Baby through the curtains. Silently as to not wake Sam, Dean got dressed and left the motel room. Driving calmed him down. Just him and Baby on the open road. He started the car and before long he was cruising the interstate, head empty. Well, almost empty – Cas’ face kept floating in front of him. _“I love you”_. Dean swallowed hard. It hurt.  


“I decide to be fine until the morning” he stated, out-loud and tried to smile but he could feel his lips trembling.  


His foot started pressing the pedal harder and Baby was soon racing across the interstate. Dean didn’t even know…what he would have said back. Cas’ confession took him by surprise, he never even imagined angels could….feel that. Truly feel that way. And all he could do then was stare at the man and say idiotic stuff like _“why does this sound like a goodbye?”. “Because it is. I love you”_ ringed hollow in his head.  


The silence was going too much for Dean so he flipped the radio open. He heard soft guitars. Then a chick started singing softly. “Great, chick’s rock,” he thought rolling his eyes. “The drums aren’t so bad though”. The song swelled when it hit the chorus and he started paying attention to the lyrics.  


_“All I wanted was you  
All I wanted was you”_  


Cas’ face materialized in front of Dean. His smile. The glint of tears in his eyes. _“Goodbye, Dean”._  


_“ALL I WANTED WAS YOUUUU”_  


The girl was singing her heart out. Dean's eyes glazed over. _“I pulled you out of Hell, knowing you has changed me”._  


_“I could follow you to the beginning  
And just to relive the start  
And maybe then we'll remember to slow down  
At all of our favorite parts”_  


He remembered Cas, in flashes. How he entered the barn, so powerful. The cheesy line _“I am the one who raised you from perdition”_. He remembered Cas liked bees. Dean felt his lips move in a smile at the image of Cas naked covered in bees on the hood of the car. He remembered how angry he’d been at the time. But, right now, he’d give anything to see Cas again, in any way, be it naked covered in insects or his usual business attire and trench coat. He wished he could pray to him. He was the only one to ever answer his prayers. And he’ll never answer them now.  


_“All I wanted was you  
All I wanted was you  
All I wanted was you  
All I wanted was you  
All I wanted was you”_  


The singer’s voice was full of pain and longing. As the song ended, leading the way to some other rock ballad Dean realized he’d stopped Baby in the middle of the road and was crying, his head on the steering wheel. _“Crying like a girl”_ he heard in John’s voice. But he didn’t care. It was too much. The pain was too deep. He couldn’t smile through the pain anymore. He missed Cas. He wanted to say it back. He wanted to pray to him. Dean leaned back in the seat and looked at the empty road. And why couldn’t he pray to Cas? Realization crossed his face. Yes, Cas was dead and couldn’t answer but when did anyone else truly answer his prayers? God, well Chuck, never cared. Ezekiel just wanted to claim his favor. Jack was “hands-off”. And IF he prayed to Cas… no one would hear, right? Prayers to a specific angel were…well…like phone calls. No one else could hear them.

Dean cleared his throat and wiped his face with the ball of his hand.  
“Cas. Castiel. Angel of Thursday huh…well…” he glanced at his watch “…it’s 3 am on a Thursday so…if you’re dead did any other poor feathery son of a bitch become the Angel of Thursday? Are Thursday's angel-less now?” Dean laughed a bit bitterly.

“So…Uhm…I’m not….I’m not praying to you, Cas, to laugh about…angel-less days. Although all my days are angel-less now, I guess because well, you’re….you know, you’re dead.” Dean pinched the bridge of his nose. Why was it so hard to say it, especially to a dead guy who would never actually hear it?

“It’s so stupid. All of it. We won but I ain’t feeling victorious. You’re dead”. Dean focused on the music again. It was a slow rock ballad, and a guy with a velvety voice was singing.

_“Secrets I have held in my heart  
Are harder to hide than I thought  
Maybe I just wanna be yours  
I wanna be yours”_

Dean smiled bitterly. “Cas, what’s with the music tonight? I guess the poor guy that made the playlist has a broken heart…like mine, I suppose. That’s the stupid thing of all this. The thing you thought you could never have? It’s the same as the thing I thought I could never have. I never imagined you could really, truly feel anything besides righteous justice. I figured you just…felt like our cause was just and….I… I was so wrong, man.” Dean fell silent again listening to music.

The sad ballads kept coming. Dean instantly recognized the next one, a classic. “Since I’ve been loving you” was filling the air. Dean inhaled sharply and started singing along, unwilling tears streaming down his face.

“You know Cas, I really need to meet the guy who made this playlist” He smiled and started singing again. _Siiiiince I’ve been loving you I’m about to loooose my worried mind_. Cas, I…Castiel, I wish I could see you again.”

_Whoooshflap_

Dean froze. He was acutely aware that someone just materialized in the passenger seat. He felt Baby lean with the added weight and could feel two eyes fixated on his temple. Dean held his breath, almost afraid to look at his right. Robert Plant was singing his heart out. Then…

“Hello, Dean” in that raspy, low voice he thought he would never, ever hear again.

“Since I’ve been loving you” continued into the guitar interlude. Dean was still completely unable to turn his head to his right.

“Dean?” the voice repeated.

“What are you?” Dean demanded in as much of a threatening voice he could muster, watery eyes still fixated on the road ahead.

“I…don’t understand. You prayed to me, you said you wanted to see me, I came” the raspy, familiar voice answered.

“I prayed to Castiel but he’s dead, so WHAT ARE YOU”? Dean reached to his back, where his Colt was secured.

“I am not….”

“Ghost? Shifter? Ghoul? Another angel? And if you are another Angel, I swear I’ll gank you for doing this to me!” Dean finally turned and faced the piercing blue eyes fixated on him. Castiel was sitting in the passenger seat, all prim and proper in his suit and trenchcoat, hands on his thighs, blue necktie a bit askew. Just like Dean remembered him.

“It’s me. Jack….well, God, pulled me out of the Empty and…rebuilt me. I even have all my grace and my wings back. You can perform the tests on me.” Castiel extended his hand toward Dean.

Dean was staring at him. Was this a djinn-induced dream? They weren’t after djinns but…

“What did you say?” 

“I was resurrected by Jack.”

“What”? Dean asked again, eyes narrowing, piercing the blue ones.

“I am alive, Dean” Cas answered, or at least, the creature that was wearing his likeness. 

“You complete ASSBUTT. YOU’RE ALIVE? AND YOU NEVER CAME TO SEE US? YOU LEFT ME AFTER YOU…..AFTER YOU SAID THAT YOU JUST….YOU….” Dean was a mess but still, his instincts kicked in and splashed holy water on Cas’ face and placed a silver blade in his hand, with no reactions from the angel. “IF YOU REALLY ARE CAS AND NOT SOME DJINN INDUCED DREAM, WHY DIDN’T YOU COME TO US?”

Castiel sighed and seemed a lot smaller all of a sudden.

“I am not a Djinn induced dream, Dean. We…well Jack needed a lot of my help to rebuilt Heaven, he wanted to change the way it is organized, make it more pleasant for the souls we shelter there. I added bees, Dean. But then I lost track of time and I… I thought I shouldn’t bother you after… after what I said then. I figured you wouldn’t want to see me or be my friend and I didn’t want to face…I didn’t want to hear you say something else than…”

“You feared I would friendzone you? You feathery son-of-a-bitch you IGNORED us because you were AFRAID I’d friendzone you? Are you a teenager? YOU DON’T DROP SOMETHING LIKE THAT ON SOMEONE ELSE AND BAIL. Didn’t you want to know what I would say?” Dean looked at the angel incredulously.

Cas’ brows bunched up and his head tilted in confusion. Dean figured the angel was not sure what he said.

“Friendzone? It means “just friends”, Cas, it’s a saying we use when we don’t share the same…” Dean gestured with his hand between them,” the same kind of feelings, romantic feelings. Like “we should be just friends”, you understand what I mean?”

“I see. Well…do you want to _friendzone_ me?” Cas using his air quotations around the unfamiliar word.

They both looked at each other, entering one of their starring contests, the green losing themselves in the depths of the blue. The interstate was still empty. “Turn into Earth” started playing on the radio. 

_“How your restless hungry eyes  
Speak of cloudy summer skies  
The morning dew  
Turn into rain  
Lonely winds will call my name”_

Dean suddenly didn’t know what to do, now that Cas was actually there. He was hypnotized by the intensity in Cas’ eyes. He was lost in those blue eyes. Should he just say the three words now, to his face? Should he lean in and kiss Cas? Should he just move the car since it was in the middle of the interstate?

“Sammy and I are on a hunt. Vamps. Weird masked vamps up in Compton. I don’t get why they’d wear masks, it’s stupid, they kill with their teeth. Anyway, it’s a job Dad couldn’t finish” he heard himself say.

“I see. Would you require my assistance with these vampires?”

“Yeah man, it would be nice, having you. Vamp nests can be, you know nasty.”

“I remember you taught me about the intricacies of vampire’s nests. I will assist you on this mission”.

“So…How long can you stay?”

“My heavenly duties can be taken over by others for a time. If Jack needs me he will call upon me.”

“How is Jack? He said he wanted to not get involved and well…I figured that’s why he uhm…didn’t bring you back to...to us”

“Jack is fine, he’s growing into it, adjusting with his new status. He changed some of Heaven’s laws but they mainly remain the same.”

“Yeah? What’s new?”

“Well…we get to choose. He allowed the Host free will, in the confines of some ground rules like not rebelling against Heaven” Cas smiled at that. “It is amusing, seeing that he is God because others rebelled. Of course not opening the Gates of Hell or not…ruling over humans like lesser gods are other ground rules. Angels can choose to live quietly among humans or to enroll in the Host and work for Heaven. Everyone that is left enrolled. The new angels as well. Those that would choose life on Earth should…well build their own vessel with holy clay in Heaven – it’s the same thing that Chuck used to make Adam and Eve, in the beginning. That also goes for any Earth-bound mission. Jack is against possessing people, he says it means interfering too much. Good thing I have my own body now.” Cas patted himself on the thighs.

“What did you choose?” Dean asked, dreading the answer. 

“I haven’t made my formal choice yet. I’ve just…helped Jack with some predicaments in the realization of his vision, taken some duties on but I did not enroll in Heaven’s Host.” Cas said in an even tone. Dean left out a sigh of relief. Cas didn’t choose yet.

They remained silent again, staring each other down. Finally, Dean leaned and embraced Cas, like they used to. Dean smelled the familiar wild scent Cas always seemed to have about him. It WAS really him. He felt Cas settle in the crook of his neck. Dean leaned back but didn’t remove his hand from Cas’ back. Their faces were just a few inches apart.

Dean was thinking fast, unable to decide what to do. Cas was so close to him. He could almost feel the angel’s breath on his lips. Dean was slowly building up the courage to lean in and press in a kiss when Cas pulled away sharply. Dean felt all air leave his lungs. What did he do wrong? One glance at Cas told him it was not his fault at all. He recognized the tense look on Cas’ face as the warrior instincts kicked in and his body was adjusting to a defensive position. Something was up. Dean straightened in his seat, hand darting to the small of his back. “Crap”. The interstate was not empty anymore. A police car was pulled just behind the Impala and the officer was just opening his door. “I should have moved the car,” Dean thought bitterly. The cop slowly made his way to Dean’s window and tapped it with the end of his flashlight. Dean lowered it and the officer flooded them with light.

“Why are you stopped on the interstate?”

“Hello, officer, well, you see, uhm…” Dean stuttered to find a plausible excuse. “My friend wasn’t feeling very well and I, uhm, stopped to make sure he is fine”

“Really?”

“Yeah, really, he was...uhm...naseous?”

“You were pressed together. Didn’t seem like anything _innocent_. Stopping on the interstate without legitimate cause is against the law. I’ll need your license and registration….” but the officer never finished his sentence as Cas had materialized to his side and pressed two fingers on his temple. The cop slummed against the Impala, sleeping.

“We should put him in his car…and maybe park it somewhere. This is, truly, a bad place to stop. Why did you stop here, Dean?” Cas just seemed to realize where they were. He was looking the interstate up and down, a puzzled look on his face.

“I…It doesn’t matter anymore, let’s just take care of the guy and get out of here”.

After making sure the cop had not called in about them and parking the police car with the officer inside in a safe spot, Dean was driving aimlessly again but this time Cas was on his right looking out the window. He reached down and changed the heartbreak radio station and immediately some classic song filled the air between them. Dean recognized “Through the grapevine” and started humming.

_“I know a man ain't supposed to cry  
But these tears I can't hold inside  
Losin' you would end my life you see  
'Cause you mean that much to me”_

Dean wondered how long Cas was going to stay. Would he stay for good if he asked him? Dean spotted an exit off the interstate and took it. He followed the roads, choosing smaller and smaller roads until he stopped in front of a lake. They were all alone. The sun was rising slowly, the water glittering under its rays. Dean thought to himself that this wasn’t such a bad Thursday. It couldn’t be. He had the Angel of Thursday by his side, at least for now. Knowing he was alive made Dean happy. He was happy in the being. 

“I like this song,” Cas said.

Dean focused on the lyrics.

_“Honeybee  
I can't imagine how my life would be  
If all your gravity did not hit me  
Oh, don't you see?  
Darling, my honeybee  
But here we are  
After all the misses and confessions  
To the stars  
That we never really owned as ours  
And if our world comes tumbling down  
I never could forgive myself for leaving out  
You're the one, you are the only one”_

Dean looked at Cas fondly. The Angel was moving slightly to the rhythm, with a soft smile on his lips.

“Cas…I…” he still found himself choking on the words. He inhaled sharply and continued, ”Cas, I need you”

“I love you, too, Dean”

Cas smiled wide but this time he wasn’t crying. Dean leaned in and kissed him. Yes. This was a good Thursday. Cas came closer. Dean pressed his tongue back in the angel’s mouth applying pressure where he could. He left himself to get lost in the moment. He was safe, he was alive and so was Cas. Dean’s right hand followed Cas’ tie and settled on his right hip while his left cupped Cas’ face. The feeling of stubble was entirely new to the hunter but so intoxicating. The angel’s hands rested on either side of his ribcage. Dean was acutely aware of his hard-on pressing against his jeans. It soon became painful. He wished for release. He moaned in Cas’ mouth. He felt Cas’s hands drop towards the belt, toying at the buckle.  


“Dean, I….”  


“Yeah…it’s okay. I want this.”  


Cas opened the buckle and worked on the zipper to release Dean’s erection from the confines of the jeans. Dean was pressing hard kisses on the angel’s mouth. Dean groaned when he felt Cas’ long fingers on his length and became breathless when the stroking began. He was so close to going over the edge by just being there with Cas that he didn’t need much. Cas followed his mouth pressing his tongue inside Dean’s mouth. It was clumsy but effective and Dean soon came undone. Ridding out his orgasm Dean groaned loudly. He glanced at Cas who seemed way too pleased with himself, cum on his hand, shirt, and slacks.

“Was that good, Dean? Did you enjoy yourself?”

“Yeah, I did. Now it’s your turn”

Dean purposefully reached for the tent in Cas’s slacks and after removing the layers of fabric and pulling the slacks and the boxers beneath the hips, he found himself with Cas’ erection in his hand. Cas’ eyes were glazed over, clearly enjoying the touch. Dean started stroking gently, slowly. He bent over and licked the head. Cas jerked and moaned. Encouraged, Dean took him inside his mouth and started sucking. Cas grabbed his hair and kept moaning loudly. “De-De-De-an ah ah”. Dean felt even more turned on and picked up the pace. He felt Cas starting to slowly thrust upwards in his mouth. Dean stroked the inside of Cas’ thighs and the sensitive skin of the perineum and soon warm, salty cum filled Dean’s mouth. He swallowed and kept Cas’ penis in his mouth until Cas rode out his orgasm. Dean reached for the glove compartment and handed Cas some wet wipes. He took a few for himself.

“That was… a truly memorable experience. I enjoyed it thoroughly" Cas' breath was slowly returning to normal. His cheeks were flush, his hair a mess. "Although I don’t think we need these” Cas snapped his fingers and all evidence of their shared pleasure were erased.

“Ha…just you wait. I’m still pissed you didn’t come to see us…I mean, me, first thing after you woke up. I’ll have to find a way to punish you” He threw Cas one of his signature “bad boy” smirks that swooned over half the waitresses and bartenders on the I-10.

“Punish me?” Cas’ brow furrowed. 

“In a good way, you’ll see. We just have to learn a bit, I guess. I’ve never actually been with a dude before so we’ll have to learn. Together.”

“I suppose I could try and change to a more pleasurable vessel for you. I know you prefer the female form.”

“Don’t you dare! I like you the way you are, you don’t have to chance! Your body is fine as is!”

Cas smiled. Dean’s phone started ringing. It was Sam.

“I guess he noticed I left. Well, this is going to be an interesting breakfast.”

Dean answered and as he talked to Sam he put Baby in reverse and got back in the road. They settled to meet at the diner near the motel. Dean didn’t say anything about Cas, just that he had a surprise. He hung up and Cas spoke.

“I will inform Jack I will be staying on Earth, in this vessel, after we complete the hunt.”

“Yeah, of course, honeybee.” Dean was grinning so hard his cheeks hurt.

Music was filling the air as Baby was cruising back toward the small town. It was the best Thursday in Dean’s life.


End file.
